Message Transcript:
The founder of “The Happiness Movement”, Alexandra Stoddard who said , “This may shock you, but the most important person in your life is you. You are meant to be ‘full of yourself.”
It is easy to believe that life is about ME, isn’t it?
It permeates our thoughts in the workplace where we might want to be compensated for doing extra rather than looking for ways to help others and our employer.
It permeates our marriages when we start thinking about what our spouse is doing to make us happy, or how happy we feel, rather than how we can make our spouse feel important and loved.
I want this, I need that, I deserve to be happy… BUT happiness is a byproduct, not a right.
It is Stoddard’s belief that living for yourself is how you become happy. That is probably OK advice if you never understood and even greater reality -> that the richest life and the greatest joy come from living for others and not yourself.
The not-so-theologian Bruce Lee is quoted as saying: “Real living is living for others.”
Helen Keller who was blind and deaf from 19 months old, said, “Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.”
Helen Keller in her physical blindness had much greater vision and insight into how to live.
And the greatest happiness comes from living for God and others. We find greater satisfaction when we focus on others and not ourselves. We find greater fulfillment when we live for others and not ourselves.
But that means we need to be willing to humble ourselves. We need to come down from the top place and elevate others to the top position. It means I need to empty myself, not be full of myself.
We started our pivot in this letter to the Romans with this statement:
Romans 12:3 CSB
3 For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think…
In other words, “don’t be full of yourself!”. Don’t adopt an entitlement mentality. Don’t look to improve your condition at the expense of others. Instead…
Philippians 2:3 CSB
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.
Rather than thinking of ourselves as being more important than others, we are to think of others as more important that ourselves. This is kingdom living. It is upside down from what is “natural” or “normal”.
This is what Jesus did for you and for me. [as we read during our singing time]
We must keep this in mind as we continue in this letters. Putting others first is the prerequisite of how we interact with our family in Christ (brothers and sisters) and well as those outside the family – even those who try to make like miserable for us!
Let’s continue in the letter where Conner left off last week:
Romans 12:9–13 CSB
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. 10 Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another. 11 Do not lack diligence in zeal; be fervent in the Spirit; serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer. 13 Share with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality.
Because we are members of one another (Rom 12:5). We are to love each other.
And the qualifier of this love is that it is “without hypocrisy”.
The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, Revised II. NT Use
NT meanings of hypókrisis and hypokrité̄s reflect the classical and Hellenistic use of the words to refer to “acting” and “actor.” In Greek literature the hypokrité̄s was a person who played a part on the stage. He usually wore a mask, and in speech and action imitated the character whom he represented in the stage production.
ILLUS: print a face of Justin as a mask and hold it up to me face. 🙂 Say something Justin would say 😉
What is hypocritical love? Hypocritical love would be pretend or hollow. Not real, fake, an imposter. It is to play the part but not be the genuine article. To act like you love others.
- Perhaps it is saying you love someone and then talking bad about them to others? (arrogance).
- Perhaps it is doing things for them so that you can get something back in return? (manipulation)
- Perhaps it is demanding that they do what you want instead of doing what they way? (assuming either would be OK in God’s eyes)
You can see how each of these is thinking of ourselves more highly than we think of others.
The Greek word translated “love” in verse 9 is “agape”. It is the type of love God has for us.
1 John 4:9–11 CSB
9 God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his one and only Son into the world so that we might live through him. 10 Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another.
Loving others this way is an impossible goal to keep 100%.
We are sinful and we are selfish. But we must set it in our minds (Rom 12:2) that we are not to live that way. We are to burn into our brains the reality that we exist for others and not for ourselves.
Love one another without putting on a face and pretending. God didn’t pretend when he sacrificed Jesus for you and for me, so we should not pretend to love others.
But let’s define what pretend love is a bit more by continuing in our passage:
Romans 12:9 CSB
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good.
Genuine love is based on the reality of absolute truth, of right and wrong, and if we genuinely love others, we must speak about and act on those very principles. We must be willing to confront evil with them and in them, and we must allow them to do the same with us. When we give advice it needs to line up with God’s truth.
Conner mentioned that we all should be striving to display all seven of the gifts listed in 3-8. One of those is exhortation. Correcting wrong behavior. While some are called to that as a primary calling, and we as Elders may need to be exhorting others at times, we are all called to exhort each others. Exhortation was something Paul told the young elder Timothy to commit to doing (1 Tim 4:13). And he tells the church in Colossae to practice it:
Colossians 3:16 CSB
16 Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
The author of Hebrews put it this way:
Hebrews 3:13 CSB
13 But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception.
Encourage is the Greek work for Exhort. We exhort each other because we love each other and what to keep each other from being sucked into sin. Because we love, we detest evil, in ourselves and in others.
Detest evil.
Abhor/Detest/Hate/Recoil from (CJB)
› ask: do we loathe that which is evil? Are we so shocked by it that we recoil from it, or are we so enthralled by it that we run to it?
I want to select one topic this morning, because I think it will help us understand what it means to detest that which is evil, or to abhor it.
I am going to show some slides provided by “Covenant Eyes” about porn addiction in the US: [slides]
- Over 141 MILLION people viewed porn in 2025
- That means more people viewed porn than the Super Bowl
- more than 18 MILLION adults view porn daily
- 78% of MEN watch regularly, and 44% of WOMEN watch regularly
- Up to 52% of Americans age 13 and older view porn at least once a month — but nearly half never look for it (https://www.ecarebehavioralinstitute.com/blog/porn-addiction-statistics/)
It is something that is thrust upon people online. Through websites, social media, links from “friends” – a lot of people are caught by surprise when they are looking up a recipe, googling a news story, or researching a project and are taken to a site that has content they were not looking for. However, some do go looking for it.
The numbers are proof that we do not hate what is evil. That we spend tool little effort recoiling from evil and and too much time researching it.
Porn destroys people. Check the stats. Porn devalues people. And the growing trend is for self-created porn online. This is something that should horrify us! What if that was YOUR daughter they were viewing online, would you hate it? Well, that person is God’s daughter, and he hates it. He created them. He loved them enough to send Jesus for them, and we have devalued them to be sexual entertainment. We have obsessed over their bodies – and ours – and have dishonored the gift of sex God has given us and the person God has created. What if you came across an image of our sister, or your mother, would you keep looking? It ought to make us throw up and be angry.
Human trafficking? Often young boys and girls being abducted and sold as sex slaves.
Abortion? The slaughter of innocent lives for our own selfish agendas. It gets even more sinister as we allow for it… now you are encouraged to have screening done to determine if your child may not be “perfect” and are encouraged to destroy it before it is born. What kid of sick, self-centered society do we live in?
The list goes on.
Those are the BIG things… but what about the “little” evils?
- Cheating
- Lying
- Arrogance
Proverbs 6:16–19 CSB
16 The Lord hates six things; in fact, seven are detestable to him: 17 arrogant eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that plots wicked schemes, feet eager to run to evil, 19 a lying witness who gives false testimony, and one who stirs up trouble among brothers.
Psalm 5:4–6 CSB
4 For you are not a God who delights in wickedness; evil cannot dwell with you. 5 The boastful cannot stand in your sight; you hate all evildoers. 6 You destroy those who tell lies; the Lord abhors violent and treacherous people.
God tells us that HE HATES these things. Shouldn’t we?
However, the longer we live in a culture that embraces that which is evil in God’s eyes, the harder it can be to distinguish what is evil and what is good. It comes down to what will be your standard of determining.
This is the original temptation: do you define good and evil in your own way, or do you allow God to define it?
That was the struggle in the garden. The command not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and bad was a test to see if mankind would trust God to define good and bad or if they would choose to define it for themselves.
- When you are mutilating your body you are not loving yourself. And you cannot love others if you do not love yourself.
- If you are murdering unborn children, you are not loving others.
- If you are viewing pornography you are not loving that person you are looking at or the person you are in a relationship with.
LET LOVE BE WITHOUT HYPOCRISY – hate what is evil.
NOTE: we are called to hate what is evil. We are also called to love others. We must learn to discern the difference between the actions and the person. I can hate what someone does, but still attempt to love the person.
THE GOOD NEWS:
if you have been caught up in any of those things listed – maybe you had an abortion, or you have struggled with an addiction like porn, Jesus forgave the people who crucified him, and he can surely forgive any sin we commit. But repentance is not just saying your a re sorry. That is certainly part of it. It is also making the decision to do what is right. It is “renewing our minds” – refocusing them on the things that God says are good.
It is turning FROM evil TO good.
Romans 12:9 CSB
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good.
“CLING” to what is good.
Clutch it. Grasp it. Hand onto it for dear life.
EX: of something you hung on to for dear life???? I have some cookies… and a ping pong ball. I need 2 volunteers. 1 hold the ball in your hand for 20 seconds while the other tries to take it from you. If you retain it, you get cookies. If you lose it – they get cookies.
This same word for “cling” is used in:
Matthew 19:5 CSB
5 and he also said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
Be joined, be married, be united, be one with that which is good. cling to it.
LET LOVE BE WITHOUT HYPOCRISY: cling to what is good.
What is “good” is by definition what is pleasing to God because God is good. Cling tightly, have a death grip on the things that make God smile. The things GOD says are good. When the world tries to pry them out of your hand, grip tighter and do not give in. It is a fight my friends, to do good and not do evil. Paul mentioned that quite explicitly earlier in this letter.
OUR natural tendency is to cling to evil and bury the good. But we are not natural any longer if we are in Christ. We are to present our entire being to God as living sacrifices, set apart for HIS purpose (holy), his “good” purposes. We do that by transforming our minds – fulling it with what pleases God and puking out the things that do not.
And if we truly love others, not pretend, but in all sincerity, we will hold them accountable to the same.
Hebrews 10:24 NIV
24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,
We will call out evil when we see it, and encourage good. We will help them run away from evil and run to the good things of God. That is a glimpse into what it means to love each other the way God loves, without hypocrisy.
YBH? (Yes, but how?!)
I think ONE WAY we can detest evil and embrace good is to find a Word from scripture that demonstrates what is evil and what is good in the area we struggle with.
LUST / PORN:
1 Thessalonians 4:3–5 NIV
3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;
Perhaps rephrase it and personalize it? “It is God’s will for ME to be use for his purposes – so I need to stay as far away from sexual sin as possible! I need to make sure that my mind and my body are not used to dishonor God because of my passions and lusts.”
Maybe you struggle with HATRED:
1 John 4:20–21 CSB
20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and yet hates his brother or sister, he is a liar. For the person who does not love his brother or sister whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And we have this command from him: The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister.
Perhaps make it a prayer? “God, I do love you, but I am struggling because I feel hatred towards ____________. I do not want to be a liar – I want to love them the way you do. I pray for you to bless them. I pray that you will help me to be a blessing to them – to love them the way you love me”.
Whatever it is that you know would dishonor God: unforgiveness, gossip, lying – find the verse and make it yours, and keep it with you!
Call out the evil and find what is good – from God’s word – and memorize that verse. When faced with the temptation, when struggling, recite that verse over and over and over. Keep them on flash cards or in an app on your phone (redeem that technology! – maybe try “versify” app for memorization?
Romans 12:9–10 CSB
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. 10 Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.
We need to love each other deeply.
Let your love for your brothers and sisters be of substance.
When you build a house, the most important part is the foundation. In Northern NY, that means you have to dig down at least 5 feet deep and put in a footer below the 4’ mark. Why? because the frost goes down 4 feet in the winter in our area, and if you do not anchor the foundation below the frost, then your foundation will shift and your house will crumble.
Love needs to be rooted. It needs depth. Real love, love that is without hypocrisy, does not just say it loves, but demonstrates it by calling out sin, but correcting, reproving, rebuking AS WELL AS encouraging and lifting up. Loving deeply might be seen by:
- being OVERLY generous.
- showing mercy, even when dreadfully wronged.
- sacrificing time in the Sunday service to teach someone else’s children; or watching kids in the nursery so someone can be out here listening and being ministered to by the word
- it could be giving up a casual Saturday morning and projects on your house to help someone with their projects.
- It might mean picking one night a week to set an extra plate or two at the table for others to join you (as Conner mentioned)
You cannot love someone deeply from a distance. You need to do life together. That does not mean that you wait for someone to come to you, but you pray and ask God who you should connect with, and then start connecting. Spend time together, eat meals together, enjoy activities together, share the gospel with each other.
Romans 12:9–10 CSB
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. 10 Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.
In verse 10 Paul goes on to says we need to love one another as brothers and sisters.
vs 9 – agape love
vs 10 – brotherly love
“as brothers and sisters” – some of you might have strained relationships with relatives, so this might be hard to figure out. But in the end, it means accepting each other and supporting each other.
The word “love” is phileo or “brotherly love” so Paul is really saying, “show brotherly love as brothers and sisters”. Quite plainly – act like what you are. You are brothers and sisters, love each other accordingly.
- Eat each other’s leftovers (name on the package)
- Argue with each other (and it never shakes you – you are still family even when you disagree!)
- Invite yourself over for dinner (be willing to intrude)
- Ask each other for help!
- Celebrate special events together
Those are things families do… at least in my family. lol
You are brothers and sisters – act like it. Don’t have a surface love, really care for each other.
Hawaii visiting a family that was part of NCF twice – thanks to the US Army. While visiting, one of the boys got mad at his brother and said, “I quit you!”. We laughed because I never heard that before, and from such a young child. But that is no longer a laughing matter…
Great Family Estrangement Boom #NoContact
There is a new cultural trend among millennials and Gen Z called “quitting family” or “family estrangement”. Basically, it is the ill-advice that if you have difficult or mean family members you should cut off all communication with them. In doing so you leave a wake of hurt and unresolved issues that do not go away, but compound due to the guilt and grief.
“Encouraging complete withdrawal from relationships leads to nothingness.”
~ Michele Weiner-Davis (PsycologyToday https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/202511/nocontact-an-unfortunate-trend)
You love people THROUGH conflict. You love your brothers and sisters (biological and spiritual) by working through hurts and healing together. Which leads us to our last point:
Romans 12:9–10 CSB
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. 10 Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.
Take the LEAD in honoring each other.
THIS phrase is different in almost every translation!
Romans 12:10 NIV
10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10 NLT
10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.
Romans 12:10 LEB
10 being devoted to one another in brotherly love, esteeming one another more highly in honor,
Romans 12:10 CJB
10 Love each other devotedly and with brotherly love; and set examples for each other in showing respect.
You could not find a more opposite list from “quitting them” !
- take the lead in honoring
- take delight in honoring
- set an example of honoring
- highly esteem them
- give honor to them
That is a great list of how we are to treat each other. It goes back to not thinking more highly of ourselves, but instead thinking highly of others.
What does it mean to honor someone? The most literal translation of the word is “value” as if you were pricing something special.
I was reading about teen who bought a jacket at a thrift store for $3… and found it was worth over $89,000! (img) It was a warmup jacket for NBA great Wilt Chamberlain.
Someone put a price tag on that jacket, because it was special. It was appraised by Sotheby’s.
If we are to honor one another, we have to put a price on the other person. And God already did that. He appraised you at the highest value – he sacrificed Jesus for you!
Because of Jesus you and I are both special. You are valuable. And I honor HIM as I honor you and value you the way HE DOES.
Brothers and sisters – we have a gift given to us: the ability to love without strings attached, without pretense, without caution. When we get it into our thick skulls that we don’t have to love, but we get to love – we find that loving others brings happiness and fulfillment because we are doing the work of God.
- It means we put others first
- It means we hate evil
- It means we grip as tightly as we can to the things God calls good
- It means we set aside the mask and choose to love with sincerity.
Which of these areas do you need to work on this week? How have you pretended to love? What evil do you need to become nauseated by? How can you love others more deeply this week? I have shared a lot of practical ways we can and should love each other. Commit them to prayer, and ask God to help you live them out.
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